Christmas with teenagers: how to manage expectations so that the season remains merry and bright for everyone.
Now they are teenagers Christmas just isn’t the same. They no longer believe in the magic. They find the traditions childish. They think spending time with family tedious. Your heart is breaking because although they were exhausting, you miss the Christmases when they were little with its nativities, pantos, elves on the shelves and visits to Father Christmas. But Christmas can still be special and magical whatever your child’s age. It’s all about planning ahead, letting go of a few things, and managing those expectations. Here are my 8 top tips for a merry little Christmas with teenagers.
1. COMMUNICATION
It’s usually number 1 on any of the tips I share because it is so important, especially when it comes to parenting teens. Talk to them about the plans you have for the season; the days out, the dinners with friends and family, the preparation that needs to be done. Give them some control by allowing them to opt out of a few things. There is no point in forcing them to be involved in everything if they don’t want to be. Instead encourage some compromise. For example, they have to come to dinner with their grandparents but you are happy for them to miss the carol concert.
2. INVOLVE THEM IN THE PLANNING
If they feel part of the planning process, they are more likely to be engaged in what’s going on. Also, you may find that they have some really good suggestions! I will always remember my younger step brothers as teenagers organising the most fun games for their little nieces and nephews on Christmas day.
3. GIVE THEM RESPONSIBILITY
Whether it’s planning some games for the younger family members, compiling a playlist on Spotify, or being in charge of certain aspects of the cooking, teenagers thrive with some responsibility. Again, if you get them involved in the planning process you can ask them which bits they would like to do. Perhaps it’s making the ham for Christmas eve (my big sister always did this and still does every time she’s at my folks for the holidays!) or planning snacks for the Boxing Day walk-anything that allows them to be in charge. Plus, it gives you one less thing to do! Win win!
4. GET CRAFTY
Many teenagers still love an opportunity to get creative so set aside some time to make festive things together. There are so many ideas on Pinterest and various craft blogs. All past episodes of ‘Kirstie’s Handmade Christmas’ are on More4 so why not watch an episode and make something from it afterwards?
5. VOLUNTEER
Getting kids to be grateful for what they have can sometimes be tricky. Getting them to see that this time of year is not just about receiving presents but also giving back can be even more of a challenge. Have a look into any volunteer projects in your local area that you could get involved in. Ask them to accompany you on a foodbank shop. Involving them in tasks like these will have such a positive impact, plus it prompts interesting and important conversations about why people have less than others in our society, and what can be done about it.
6. BE FLEXIBLE
You probably have lots of lovely traditions that your kids looked forward to when they were little but have no interest in now they are teenagers. Yes, traditions are important, but they will change and evolve as your kids grow older. It may be time for some new ones. Again, involve your teen in this. What new traditions would they like to start? Our family have a tradition where we go to my parents’ beach hut for brunch on Christmas morning. This tradition began about 10 years ago when my younger brothers were teens and the rest of us were adults. It’s one of our favourite things to do at Christmas now as it brings everyone together (there are always a few extra faces that turn up!). Sometimes letting go of old traditions and bringing in new ones can be pretty magical.
7. BE CLEAR ABOUT BUDGET
This is a tricky one isn’t it? Your teen used to be happy with toys and chocolate coins, but now they want games consoles and the latest iPhone. Be clear on your budget. There is no shame in talking about money. Tell them how much you are going to spend and work out how they can make up the cost if this item is something that they really want. Perhaps they could ask grandparents for money towards it? Perhaps they could help out with some extra chores around the house? Make sure you have this conversation early on, before the big day, in order to manage expectations and avoid disappointment.
8. PREDICT THE ARGUMENTS
If you know that your teenager is going to kick off about something then have a plan of action in place to lower the risk of you reacting in a way that you know is unhelpful. For example, do you know that your teen won’t be out of bed before 9am on Christmas morning? Take the opportunity to plan a peaceful breakfast with your partner, or take the time for yourself and begin your day intentionally with some journaling, exercise or meditation. Another example is predicting that they will be ungrateful or disappointed with a present they have received. Plan how you will respond to this. Don’t lose your temper, listen to what they have to say so they feel heard and validated. Then plan how you talk to them about gratitude.