How to keep kids calm in times of uncertainty
Recently I asked my community on social media what they needed help with during this time. One parent asked for some advice on how to keep kids feeling positive when they are so unsure and worried about their education and what is going to happen in the future during this time of Covid 19. I know that this will be an issue for so many parents of children of all ages right now, so I hope you find these tips and ideas helpful.
Reinforce the fact that whatever is going on in the world, whatever changes, at any stage of your life, who you are does not change. Your teen may define themselves as a student in Year 10, but when that is stripped away, what are you? A creative? An activist? A reader? These things are the essence of who we are. Tell your teen that this is a great place to come back to whenever they feel wobbly or frightened about things.
Remind them that they are part of a global effort to save humanity. That is HUGE! But it doesn’t have to feel scary. In fact, it can feel really empowering. All the sacrifices they are making right now, however big and small, are making a difference. Their actions are saving lives! That’s amazing! It can also remind them of this important lesson: we are never more powerful than when we are making decisions. So their decision NOT to go and hang out with their friends even though they may be desperate to, has a powerful impact of not spreading the virus.
We are all in this together. If they are worried about falling behind at school then tell them not to be. I read a thought-provoking quote recently that said ‘We are not all in the same boat, but we are in the same storm’. Everyone’s educational experience is different right now. Some may have parents who are able to teach them the work from school at home. Some may have parents who can afford to pay for online tuition. Some may not own a laptop or have access to the internet. Different boats, same storm. Whatever your teen’s situation is, they will catch up. Their teacher will be able to do this more effectively if they take care of their mental health and try not to worry too much about all the things that haven’t happened yet. Take one day at a time.
If things feel too overwhelming and these feelings are getting in the way of your teen doing their school work, then encourage them to do this journal activity. Write down all the things they can control, and all the things they cant control. They will probably find that the list of the things they can control is the longest. Encourage them to choose to focus on those things. We cant control everything, and accepting that can help us let go of those feelings of overwhelm and gain some clarity.
Screens are a blessing right now! But they can get in the way of getting down to studying. Get your teen to switch them off, put them in a cupboard downstairs-anything to keep them away from their desk.
Help them to schedule their day, and to include breaks in that schedule. One of the things they will be missing most about school is the structure and during these times of uncertainty the days can seem to stretch out without anything to look forward to. Having a structure will help them to feel calm and on top of things. It will also help them to feel in control of their time.
Write a ‘To Do’ list each morning, and a ‘Ta Da!’ list at the end of each day. This will help them to feel organised, and also to recognise their achievements of the day. Another thing your teen will be missing about school is the opportunities to succeed. It is really important that they know they are achieving something, however big or small, each day. These things are really obvious to spot in the school environment; completing a test, helping a teacher with a job, doing a prefect duty, for example. These things are not as easy to spot at home as we do not always recognise them as learning. Have they helped you to water the garden? Then they have accomplished a task. Baked a cake? Accomplished a task. Taken the washing off the line? Accomplished a task. Spoken to Granny on the phone? Accomplished a task. You get the idea!
Get moving! There are so many opportunities for fitness available right now. Joe Wicks every day, of course, as well as being allowed out to exercise daily. If you notice that your child is becoming withdrawn, insisting they go on a walk with you could make all the difference. Not only will it get them moving, it might also get them talking. When we are focused on something and not having to make eye contact, it often makes it easier to talk about our feelings.