A recipe for resilience
Before we begin, it is important to note that building resilience in young people is an ongoing process, rather than a one-off event. It is highly likely that you have already got many of these things in place. I thought it would be interesting and helpful to share with you some of the highlights of the research I have done on the topic, and what I have observed with the young people I have worked with over the years.
To nurture resilience in your teenager you will need:
To build optimism and hope.
This can be challenging, particularly if your son/daughter has experienced trauma in their lives. It is important that you get them the professional help they need for that, so that they begin to believe that what has happened in the past does not have to determine their future.
To teach them to self-regulate their emotions and behaviour.
Having a toolbox of strategies to be able to cope with big emotions is a key part in being resilient. You can read more about how to do this here. Encouraging your son or daughter to practice mindfulness is always a good idea, and modelling this as well as a healthy relationship with exercise is an excellent place to start.
To foster independence and problem-solving skills.
Find safe ways to encourage independence in your teenager. Still giving them a lift to school? Perhaps now is the time to let them walk with a friend. Nurturing their problem-solving skills is also important for building resilience, as when they are faced with life’s challenges, they will be able to figure out a way through them-hopefully in a calm and rational way.
To give them the tools to manage stress.
Stress is an inevitable part of life. It is vital that our young people learn how to prioritise and compartmentalise it so that it does not overwhelm them. Getting them to focus on what needs to be done now, and what needs to be done later is a way of doing this.
To build organisation and planning skills.
Planning for things coming up in the near and distant future is an important life skill, and one that can be tricky for young people, especially when they are used to their parents doing this for them. Try and find ways for them to do this for themselves. Homework timetables are a good place to start with this as it requires some organisation and planning so that they get the work done and meet the deadline, while scheduling in time for other things the want to do such as hobbies and leisure activities.
To encourage them to be part of a community.
This is a key component in nurturing resilience as being part of and making a contribution to a community makes people feel like they are important and that they matter. It helps them to see their purpose and feel needed in a positive way. Try and find ways to do this with your teen. It could be a community such as their dance school, place of worship, or volunteering for a local organisation.
Remember, this is a ongoing process so if you think that there are some things missing for your son/daughter there is always time to focus your energy on helping put those things in place. If you would like to know more about how to do this I will be running a free challenge in my Facebook group in a couple of weeks. You can join here.