What to do when your kid doesn’t think they’re good enough

As a Self-Belief coach I work with many young people who hold themselves back from striving towards their goals and dreams because they don’t think they are good enough. This belief manifests itself in different ways according to the individual. Some shy away from starting conversations with groups of friends in case they say the wrong thing, some are too afraid to wear the clothes they want to wear for fear of judgement, some are terrified of putting their hand up in class in case they fail. All these patterns of behaviour suggest that failure, rejection and judgement are big risks that their self-doubt wants to protect themselves from experiencing because they believe they are not good enough to show up in the world as they are.

The good news is that you can help your teen through this!

I am going to share 5 tools that you can start using now with your son or daughter to help them on their journey to believing they are enough exactly as they are.

1.       Normalise failure

As with most things, kids learn how to fail well from us. Share your stories of failure with them; the ones that caused you to give up completely, and the ones where you learnt something. Better still, the times you failed over and over again at something that turned out to be a success. It is so important that your kid knows that you have been there and can understand how they are feeling. It helps to make failure feel acceptable, inevitable and normal. You can read more about teaching kids to ‘fail well’ in this post.

2.       Write a list

In fact, write two! In the first one, list all of the things they like about themselves. On the second, list all of the things they don’t like about themselves. Ask them to consider how these things could be helpful, a superpower even! Are there any they can move from this list to the first?

3.       Reward the process not the end result

Getting your kid to understand that showing up to something is just as important, if not more so, than the end result is an amazing life lesson. Think about how you can reward them for being consistent with something rather than the outcome.

4. When did these feelings start?      

Explore when and where these feelings formed. What do they remember feeling and thinking at that time? What did they make that experience mean? What else could be true?

5.       Find something fun to do

Life can be pretty stressful for young people. Taking time out to go and have some FUN can help to give their self-esteem a boost.